Crop Dusted

Thank God I was on my way home after this stop because I don’t think I could have held in my shit any longer. I had to stop at my friend’ place to grab my keys from her so I could get back to my place. For the entirety of the walk from the front door of her place, to the elevator, I was farting. They were silent, only I knew they were leaking out from my ass but let me tell you they reeked.

I even thought they were gross and I was the one dealing with them. That’s when you know they’re bad. If there had been someone walking behind me I’m sure they would have passed out due to my dinner from last night stinking up the halls. Easily some of the worst farts of my career. When I got to the elevator, I hit the button to call it but was scared. I wasn’t sure if I had to fart once more or if I was going to shit my pants.

I did my best to hold it in whatever was coming, but as soon as I got in the elevator and those doors closed, I let it rip. It was involuntary, there’s something about being alone that makes me comfortable enough to fart on my own without any repercussions. There’s no one there to smell it, no one there to hear it if one accidentally rumbles my cheeks, and no one there to judge me for how disgusting it smells.

I barely had to walk twenty feet from the elevator door to her to get to my friend’s apartment. I thought I would be just quick enough, I would still be able to catch the elevator still on her floor waiting for me. Unfortunately for some poor soul that wasn’t the case. It had gone up a couple floors and I could hear it descending to the floor for me, with someone stuck in an unvented area with my farts. I was there waiting for the elevator thinking that my fats were so bad they probably disintegrated her eyebrows or even worse, actually caused her to pass out.

When the door opened there was only one person inside the elevator and her dog going for a walk. The dog seemed fine with the smell, but the lady walking the dog had her shirt covering her nose to block the dreadful aroma that was lingering in the elevator. It took me a second but I realized why she was covering her nose… it was my fart that had been living in this elevator, this poor lady gagging at the smell of the passing of the wind. I proceeded to pretend to cover my nose from that God awful stench as if it was disgusting me just as much as it was her.

It completely slipped my mind that I had crop dusted the entire elevator, trapping the worst farts of my life inside as I got out. That poor lady and then that poor guy who got on the elevator as we got off, will probably wake up with pink eye tomorrow. I just hope I don’t give it to myself.

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