Excuse me, What was your name again?

I’m horrible with names. I’ve yet to retain someones name the first time I meet them. The only way I can ever remember anyones name is through repetition and they I hear it a few five hundred times. If I meet you, out a guy or girl, there’s no chance I remember your name the next time I see you, even if it’s that same night. It’s not that I don’t listen, I pride myself on my superb listening skills, but for some reasons names just don’t stick. I’m we’ll aware this is a significant flaw. Because of it I’ve become a custom to saying, “What’s up man?” or “Hey how are ya?” If it’s a group of girls I have a horrible of habit of still saying “What’s up guys?” “What’s up ladies?” sound kind of creepy. I am trying to fix it, I want to be better at remember names. After all the first step is acknowledging the problem, now I have to fix the problem.

I hate to admit it but I’m actually worse with girls then I am with guys names. I think it’s because when you’re hanging out with a bunch of guys, they love calling each other by their names or nicknames as much as they can. I get a lot of repetition when I’m with them. Around a group of girls on the other hand, I’m lucky if I even hear their name once. I swear it’s like they speak in some telekinesis, eye contact, and with some weird girl language. They don’t ever say each other’s name, they speak in half sentences, but somehow are always on the same page sharing laughs and stories. I never hear their names enough to remember any of their names. If anything I remember the name of the one girl in the group that didn’t show up, the one they were bad mouthing. Poor Karen.

If I’m lucky and I’m able to get a girls number, I’ve adapted to letting them add their information in my phone. More often then not I’ve had to resort to this technique to compensate on the nights when I drink too much and my thumbs becoming to big to type real words. Once I saved a girls name without a single vowel, it looked something like “KSTHRNW.” Best case scenario when they take my phone and put in their name is it’s correct. That way I have their name right front of me so I can I text them, “godonghti” before I fall asleep.

Those mornings when you wish the world would stop spinning and you make a promise to yourself never to drink again, absolutely suck. I’d wake up with a text from just a number and a flirtatious, “Hey :)” with no name. It becomes a guessing game of me back tracking trying to piece the pieces of the night back together like a puzzle with hope I can remember who it may be. I answer with hi back and my name anticipating they’ll mimic me and do the same back. I get lucky sometimes, but those times when they hold out on me can be a stickier situation.

I never ask them for their name again. As crucial as that information is I find ways to work around it and keep conversation until I can figure it out. I feel rude asking again. If I spent enough time with you the other night, it would be kind of a douchebag move of me to forget your name. Then there’s sometimes when my detective skills fail me and they remain nameless and faceless.

Sometimes I’ve gone on weeks, before I’m able to put a name to the number. Sometimes I’ve just bite the bullet and made plans to hangout with this nameless number in my phone just to figure out who this person is. My blind dates are slightly different than your traditional blind date. For me I go into the date knowing the everything about the person personally and eventually get to know them intimately before I even see their face. I plan dates to meet out in public completely unaware who I’m looking for. I go into it a blind date completely blind, telling them to look for the kid with the bun and a super hero shirt at the bar. As you may have assumed this is my last resort. Never has it’s worked out in my favor and I meet someone jaw dropping and we hit it off talking and laughing for hours. The couple times it has happened, the dates turn out to be filled with awkward silence and disappointment. I can’t even hold conversation sometimes becasue all she is talking about is the night we first met. I can’t remember a thing about the night we met.

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