Real Love

There isn’t any fictional relationship that makes more sense to me than that of Batman and The Joker. One of the main reasons I love Batman is because of his relationship with The Joker. One of the main reasons why I love The Joker is because of his relationship with Batman.

Life had kicked him to the curb and walked away from him at his worst, letting him rot on his own with his dead parents laying lifeless next to him. On that day he had two choices; he could say fuck the world and burn it to the ground just like it did to his life, or he could make it his life goal to restore justice in the city the has given him nothing, but has morphed him into who he is.

Then there is The Joker, who just like Batman, was one day dealt a shit hand. Just as Batman had lost his entire world in a split second, the same thing happened to The Joker. In a split second he not only lost his wife, the love of his life, but also his unborn child inside of her, was killed by a cooking accident or set on fire by a corrupt cop. Either way you paint it, everything he had ever cared about in his life was gone in an instant.

In one second, just as Bruce Wayne did, he lost the only two things he has ever loved in this world. Gotham kicked both of them to the curb and left them there to die. The same as Bruce Wayne, who took his worst day and transformed it into his best day, The Joker turned his tragedy and had it define who he was. Unlike Batman he didn’t care to restore order. Order was exactly what caused this to happen to him. Instead he devoted his life to prove how corrupt our world was… Just as Batman was.

There is no difference between Batman and The Joker’s. There’s no distinction between them from any of us. The same as they both faced their worst days, fell to rock bottom, they were left with two options; to keep going and make the world a better place or exploit it for all it is, flaws, imperfections and all.

The same internal conflict we all deal with, one I’ve been continuously finding myself battling. It’s just as easy as it is as difficult to make the decision. Are you more like Batman or more like Joker? How we react to these moments in our own lives, when we hit rock bottom, the decisions we make are what define us indefinitely.

Batman will never kill The Joker, they’re far too much alike. One choose chaos and the other ran to justice. It’s the same internal conflict we all have. We all have this demon or little voice inside us telling us that doing wrong is right, but we also have this little light inside of us, reminding us that the light will forever shine in the darkest of times. 

I love Batman and The Joker for far more than just The Dark Knight. I love them for their relationship in The Killing Joke, or countless times in their comics where they’ve understood each other. How they’re not so different after all. I love the movie The Joker because it depicted exactly what goes through our minds on our worst days. Bruce Wayne is just the epitome of what happens when you follow the light. And if you ask me, I don’t think either of them are wrong for the path they’ve chosen.

That’s why Batman will never kill The Joker. He gets where he is coming from. They were both dealt the same hand of cards and deep down Batman, since he’s been there at rock bottom, he thinks he can show Joker the light. But we all know far too well, how hard it is sometimes to see the light. I mean how would you react if you lost everything you’ve loved in the blink of an eye?

I Miss Gary

Down in Charlotte I was tormented by this fly that lived in my apartment with me. I’m not sure how he found his way into my windowless place but every day, as soon as I would open my eyes in the morning, up until I would go to sleep and forget they were there harassing me. If I was cooking he was all up in my sauce landing on my cutting board every five minutes. If I was sitting there watching T.V. There he was sitting on the couch next to me laughing along to New Girl with me.

Moving back home meant that I had to finally say goodbye to my new unwanted best friend Gary. It was bittersweet leaving him honestly. I was starting to grow fond of the little guy, the way he annoyed me made me kind of love him, but when it’s time it’s time right. I packed my bags and settled into my new place back home, a thousand miles from Gary, looking for a fresh start. I had no idea Gary had friends in such high places.

I left my new front door open for, I shit you not, seventeen seconds while I raced to my car to grab the last of the groceries I had. Evidently Gary made a call to some of his buddies up north and gave them my new address. Not only did I fill my fridge with all my essential vegetables and non-perishable food items that day, it also became the new home to Gary’s buddy… Edward.

Gary passed his torch to his buddy Eddie from Southie and there I was living in my new apartment just as I was, only with a new friend this time.. Instead of cooking or watching T.V. with Gary, I was kicking it in my new home with my new best friend Eddy. (I’m not sure how he spells his name yet.) A friend that I’ve felt like I’ve known for years now.

I hope Gary’s still thriving down there. I miss him honestly. I hope that he has found a new friend down there he can bother for a while. That guy has been flirting with death for years now slumming it in human apartments and all. I’m just glad he sent Ed to harass me the same way he did. It makes my home feel that much more at home knowing there is a little touch of Gary still there. There’s no way Gary knew we would hit it off like this. Edgar is my new best friend. If anyone wants to come over and meet Eduardo just bring a pound of American cheese. He doesn’t love it as much as I do but hell’’l have a slice or two for sure.

“What If?”

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” Life is too short to live with, “What if’s?” Some of us get stuck living our lives conforming to a system of working to make just enough by and talking about all those things we wish we could have done. I can’t wait to be old one day, rocking on a rocking chair, telling my grandkids about all the the things I’ve learnt through all the good times and bad. I don’t want to be one of those “old school grandfathers:” that is acting all pretentious like I was so pure.

I’m one of those people that wants to be sitting there with a smile on my face that’s as big as those kids that are eager to hangout with me. I’d rather do the things I say I want to do than just talk about them and have at the least a story to tell. That’s why I moved to a new city. If I never did it I knew it was going to be something I was going to regret not doing forever. Something I would be rocking in my rocking chair saying, “What if?”

I’ve been the type of guy that would rather not be asking “What if?” I spent way too many nights as a kid wondering that. I’ve grown into the type of guy to ask just do it. The type of guy that’s crazy enough to ask a girl to move in with me after a couple months of dating just to know that it’s real. I never cared to take it slow or play any of those games when it comes to love. I have to know whether or not it’s worth it because it love is all I have ever cared about.

There I was after on a date with this girl I was falling for pondering, “What if we give this a real try?” What if we actually see where this rollercoaster will take us? What if this works? Would it be everything I think we can be or will we just be another regret and lessoned learned on my travels through life?

I’d rather regret every second we share together then not to have a moment with her at all. Just being around her calms all those demons inside of me. I can’t think of a time I’ve spent with her where we weren’t smiling and having the best time together. I’d rather crash and burn with her, cherishing the moments we shared, than regret never actually giving it a chance.

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” -Lucille Ball

The Meanest Place On Earth

Anyone who has ever worked on one of those big construction sites knows; Porta Johns are typically the grossest bathroom you will ever have to use. For those of you who have never used one, (damn you’re lucky) it’s a single toilet that doesn’t flush. It’s merely a holder for everyone’s feces to stack up on top of each others until it gets cleaned out in two weeks when they come back around. They are disgusting.

Something not everyone knows about Porta Johns is that they’re also one of the meanest spots on Earth. There are some guys who go in there to take a shit with their sharpies in hand, shitting there for twenty minutes with nothing else to do but anonymously speak the words they’ve always wanted to say about other people on the job site. Anonymously being the operative word. It’s the place people can say whatever they want without any repercussions.

Sometimes you get those closet racist that complain about some of the workers on the job. Other times you get these asshole kids that like to draw Swastika on the walls just to see what people have to say about it. There was this one job I was on where we a kept a tally of what men prefer, “Ass or Titties” (Ass won in case you were wondering) On job sites, a Porta John is essentially the place for people to express how they truly feel freely.

As for us electricians, we are the first guys on a job site and the last ones to leave. We’re there before anyone has a chance to write in the Porta John and there well after everyone has thrown their two cents in there. Being as we were the first ones on this new job site of ours, I figured I’d be proactive and get ahead of all this negative slander that usually fills a Porta John before it took off.

Being the first person to violate the shitter on this new job I took the time to compliment us, “Wow look at those electricians!” Encompassed by a hand drawn heart. It wasn’t anything crazy but it was honest. I mean you should see us, our whole crew was filled with studs. I be humble to start. I had to also say something that wasn’t as genuine or cliche. I wrote the first thing I thought of “Those electricians smell…” Something open ended for people to give us their own compliments. Something I

I didn’t write anything derogatory, there wasn’t anything insinuating about what I wrote. I kept it pg. Now we just have to wait and see if people can keep things on a lighter and more on the positive side with this Porta John. I just hope someone will catch my Spongebob reference and writes “good” at the end of what I wrote. That will be all the confirmation I need to say that we have some cool people on this job site.

Ps People who write in the Porta John don’t even know the different between you’re and your or there and they’re so please if there’s something offensive don’t take it literal. They’re just idiots… or they’re just someone like me with the grammar of a third grader.

You Know What They Say

They say love is something you just know when you find it. Ask anyone who’s found it and they’ll be the first to tell you, “I guess when you know you just know.” Love acts without our consent. One moment we’re out looking for someone to waste our night with and then all of a sudden you’ve found someone that you want to wake up next to each and every morning.

It’s like life knows exactly when you’re supposed to cross paths with someone. A time in your life where when you meet, everything starts to make sense. It’s like all those days that have held you back have only shot you forward stronger and further, shaping you into a man that stands strongly. Strong enough to catch the attention of the right girl. The girl of your dreams.

Next thing you know you’re canceling plans with your friends just to see her for a second. It’s like a day together is never enough. Not until you’re able end it with her in your arms every night. It was something you were’t ready for it, something you were in no way were you looking for it, but life handed you the golden ticket and flipped your world upside down you have to just run with it.

All of a sudden you know what they meant when they said, “I guess when you know you know.” There I was hoping to get lost in every second we shared together refusing to let our moments end. We created these inside jokes, stayed up all night talking for hours, until we were ready to curl up next to one in other in our bed.

It wasn’t anything either of us have planned. It wasn’t anything I was looking for but I found it and it has become everything I could ever ask for. She stole my heart and I’m lucky she’s my their. She’s someone that, for the first time, I’ve wanted to wake up next to each morning.

I think that’s it. I think that’s when you know you’ve found it… you just know. I don’t think any one truly ready for it. It seems to always happen when we least expect it, when we’re not even looking for it. From everyone I’ve talked to that’s found love all say the same thing, “it’s like this thing just seemed to happened to us”. One moment we’re living life like a gigolo, then the next moment we’re living Romeo, willing to do whatever it takes to make it work with that special someone.

That’s love. That’s what finding something real is. In no sense is that setting down. That is that love in it’s purest form, love at first sight. It’s that when you know you know, kind of shit. Sometimes that stuff is out of our control. That stuff just seems to happened, at the times we least expect it, but when it does, everything starts to make sense

What’s Your Crossing Guard Look Like?

When I ask you to picture a crossing guard what do you see? I’m sure you, just as everyone I have asked, pictures this old white hair lady somewhat resembling your grandmother or some cliche version of her. That’s exactly how I pictured them to be too. In fact that’s the only way I have ever seen them before. 

I have always assumed it was a job for some old geezer that wanted to piss off their kids by refusing to retire from work and settled for part time crossing guard. A fulfilling job nonetheless, one that anyone would want their grandmother to work. I was just unaware that you didn’t need to be over sixty five and retired to be a crossing guard.

This elementary school down the street from me had the first and only attractive girl crossing kids across the street. Maybe it was because she wasn’t an old lady stopping traffic for the kids to cross the street and was the first crossing attendant that made me look twice.

I had to scratch my eyes, look around, and make sure I wasn’t the only one seeing this. When I opened my eyes and saw nothing but Dads and older guys, cousins, or siblings picking up the kids from school. There wasn’t a single mom in sight. It was like this Twilight Zone where the wives stayed in the cars while the husbands went to school to get their kids.

Only this time they guys were taking their time at the pick up, letting their kids play on the playground with their friends until they were good and ready to go home. Pro tip, if you want the dads to be more present with the kids at school, hire a crossing guard that is covered in gray hair and that wears leggings. It seems to do the trick.

I Am Scared Of Leaves Now

People go away to relax. That was exactly what I had intended to do when I planned to go up to Maine. The itinerary consisted of nothing but great times with some good company simply relaxing together. There were trails to hike, beers to drink, and smores to roast on the campfire for us all weekend long. I was going away to find that euphoria.

I found it instantly. Unpacking wasn’t even the first thing we wanted to do. We saw the waterfall in front of the house and it became our first priority. We stepped over stick bugs, ants, and grasshoppers, careful not to step on them eagerly racing to dip our feet in the fresh waterfall. Me being the caboose felt like I was the one that had to mark our territory with these bugs and gave one of them a piece of my mind. I told them that this was our world now and he was just living in it and proceeded on to the waterfall.

It was beautiful. There we were standing at the foot of a waterfall with no one around us. We were miles from anyone that lived nearby and felt like we had our own little section of Maine all to ourselves. Neither of us could speak, neither of us wanted to, the only sound we heard was the calming sound of the water crashing onto itself. We were floating on cloud nine together and we hadn’t even unpacked yet.

Before we spent the rest of our night sitting by the waterfall we figured we should unpack. I led the way back out, meeting my ole little Katydid back on the street after I had just put him in his place. With my friend behind me I figured it was a chance to stand my ground to this bug and officially claim our territory. I circled him once, talking smack to him the entire time, letting him know I was about it, you know.

I looked away for a second, gloating to my friend about how he didn’t want any of this smoke, still taunting him as I turned back to face him. I had no idea these things could understand English. As soon as I crossed the line with my words, saying something about his mother, this leaf looking bug thing jumped on my leg evading my kick of self defense causing me to kick myself in the calf.

I took that personally. There was no way I was going to be humiliated by a freaking insect like that. I stood my ground to face him straight up, ready to stomp his brains in. Just when I thought I had him lined up he sprung from the ground again this time landing on my face. I think he just did that to piss on me and hop off. I don’t know if bugs can pee, but my cheek was wet after he embarrassed me like that.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran to the house and never went down to the river again that weekend. It was clearly that bug’s territory and I wasn’t capable of fighting him for it. He embarrassed me. It was like he was this Bruce Lee insect of Maine. Even with me being a human I didn’t stand a chance against him. That fucking thing scared me so much he had me made me running back to the house like a little bitch. I’m just happy there isn’t any video proof of it.

I Can’t Be The Only One

She is the most attractive girl I have ever seen. She is truly beautiful. I fell in love with her the first moment I saw her and there was no looking back. The more I got to know her the deeper and deeper I fell. One date turned to three and then before we knew it we were sharing the same bed, cooking dinner for each other, falling in love right before our eyes.

She has been glowing since we first met her and it has been impossible for me to ignore. She has only seemed to shine brighter each and everyday since. Now she’s a thousand miles away and I know I can’t be the only one that sees her shining. I know there’s people out looking to steal her attention just as I did to her. Some maybe want to steal it from her just a night while others maybe want it for the rest of their life. Regardless of how it’s twisted it kills me.

I know I can’t be the only one who takes you home. She’s in a class of her own, elegantly stunning from head to toe. Her hair always looks like it’s been done by God’s best angels. Her nails are always uniquely done, setting trends each time. I haven’t seen anyone else that knows precisely, methodically, how to apply their make up without taking away from their true beauty the way she does. It is art in it’s purest form. Even better to see her when she’s finished.

I can’t be the only one who sees it. I know there out there all over her. Hell I can never take my hands off of her. I can only impinge what it’s like when she’s out there a thousand miles from me. I know I haven’t been the only one that knows her. I know she’s met some other people before we found our way to each other. That’s life, but we’re here now. I know I can’t be the only one looking to steal your attention. I just want to the be the one who has all of your attention.

I want to be the only one she always thinks about. The only one she wants to be with. Because she is the only one I want. I don’t want to go another second of my day without thinking about her. If I won’t ever be the only one to take you home then tell me now. I will forever love you for what we had, what we found, and the fun we had. But if there’s a slight chance she thinks I can be the only one for her just as I know she is the only one for me, then let’s buy that ticket and take the ride together. I know I can’t be the only one that wants your attention, I just want to be the only one you give it all too.

What Makes You Happy?

There’s no rules to any of this. There’s no boxes to check off or any time frame on how long it takes us to get things done. All we have are the smiles we create. It’s all about making the most of our days, enjoying them as they come, before they inevitably come to an end. All we’re supposed to be is happy, but what is happiness?

Is it a job that pays the bills? Is it having someone waiting for you when you get home? Is it about having a house to live in, a nice car to show off, or a family you can call your own? Who’s to say that’s what it’s all about? Who says we’re supposed to have our fun and then settle down when we’re done and buy a house to start a family?

What if there are other ways to be happy? What if all we want to do is live a life we can hang our hats on? What if our happiness wasn’t measured by the number in our bank account but by the amount of smiles we have in our lives? Who would be the happiest people then?

There’s no right or wrong way to any of this. It’ all subjective. There’s a million different ways to make a living in this world. As long as we are paying our bills it really doesn’t matter how we live our lives. Aside from that nothing else really matters. All that matters is that we end each of our days happy with the bed we’ve made.

For some maybe it’s having a bigger house than your neighbors. Others want that fancy FU car while there are some people that would rather be careless sleeping in their parents basement while they save their money to travel and explore the world for everything it has to offer. Who’s to say there’s a right way to do any of this?

All we’re supposed to do is to enjoy our days as they come, until our time inevitably comes.

Real Friends

There isn’t anyone out there that I truly hate. Yeah I may not like everyone, but I can’t think of anyone that’s out there calling me their enemy or I’m calling my foe. I like to think I’ve done a decent enough of a job thus far with my life staying on good terms with everyone I’ve met that I don’t have any bad terms to worry about with anyone. At least I don’t think so. I mean standing on a ledge, gun to my brain, if I had to pick someone I absolutely despise, there would only be two people I could name. Which is perfect because there’s no way I’ll ever see them again.

The only person that even knows about these personal vendettas of mine is my best friend. I’m not much of a fan of this one kid strictly because of playing sports with him growing up. We would always clash, one upping each other every way we could, and naturally hated each other. And honestly, subconsciously still do. We just haven’t crossed paths since eighth grade so I haven’t been too worried about him anymore.

The only other person that I truly loathe for no reason is this one guy I’ve honestly never met a day before in my life. I was dating this girl one time and he seemed to be lurking as my shadow everywhere I went with her. There was this time we had our first real fight between us and I’m sure you can guess it, he was there for her immediately. Once I wasn’t in school anymore he was the guy meeting her at her locker everyday after school not me. He would do anything he could to be with her while I wasn’t there. There’s no way I could like him.

And that’s exactly when I found out who my best friend was. All that stuff went down back in middle school and in high school. Just recently my buddy was telling me how he saw one of those dude’s car in the driveway near his house, my shadow guy actually, and promptly went into his house to get some of the fresh deli in his fridge.

He ripped off a few slices of cheese from the bag, walked across the street in the middle of the night, and slapped on two slices of cheese onto this guy’s car. He didn’t do it for any personal grudge, he did it for me. He said one of the cheeses was for me and the other one was for him. He did it for absolutely no reason at all other than the sheer fact of me not liking this guy. My buddy hated him for me and stood in my corner. A real friend.

That day solidified him as my best friend. I have never had anyone stand with me as sternly as he has with me… time and time again. I don’t deserve a friend like him. It was only by chance and by the way of being sorted alphabetically by our last names in high school that we became best friends. A best friend that I never thought I would have. Thank you.

Two Girls One Concert

I had been talking to this one girl for a couple weeks at this point. It was long enough to where she finally deemed me cool enough to hangout with. We had only met once at a bar, just quick enough to exchange numbers before I had to leave. I thought it was crazy to actually make plans with me. Next we had to find plans.

Our first idea was a bingo night… that didn’t work. Then she thought we could go axe throwing one night so we made plans. We spent the whole night taking out our frustrations by throwing axes and banter with one another. One of the better dates I had been on truthfully, but just wasn’t something I was feeling.

We kept in touch for the next few days after the date but we just didn’t ignite a spark together. Our conversation dwindled down and became dull. I chalked it up as a lost cause and figured it just was just another night wasted. Our flame faded away before we even had a chance.

We went a few days without talking and it just felt like it was what it was. We gave it a chance and it just didn’t get running. That’s life. Naturally to distract myself from another failed attempt for love, I went back on the dating apps.

One of the first people I stumbled across was someone I never thought I would see again. Right there on my phone was the girl I have always wanted to meet from my apartment. The girl, who I always went to the mailbox at the same time everyday because I saw her there once, hoping I could bump into and see her for more than just walking past me in the hallway. She was right there, only a swipe away.

I swiped on her, went to work to finish my job, and raced back to my phone wondering specifically if she answered me. Seeing her notification on my phone made me smile like a little kid all kitty staring at my phone. I even did a little fist pump to myself at work, unable to contain my excitement.

I messaged her and she messaged me back just as quickly. Before I knew it we had each other’s numbers and were making plans to hangout based off of the spark we both felt overtime we walked by each other in our apartment. As I was messaging the girl I have been dreaming about, the girl from the axe throwing sent me the first message.

After three days of asking, she was wondering if I wanted to go to a concert that night with her. I couldn’t answer her right away, There was something bigger in the equation now that I had to solve. I finally struck my chance with this girl. I wanted to give it a real try.

The girl of my dreams texted me back and just like that we were off. It wasn’t small talk, we were vibing with each other. Out of the blue, just simply based off of the fire we had burning between us, she asked me if I wanted to go see a concert with her. The same concert that the other girl was going to see.

Just as she told the other girl, I said I couldn’t make it. As much as I wanted to sprint to the dance floor with her and get lost together, it wasn’t the place. The other girl would be there. I actually cared about this girl. A girl I have always craved to see again. I’m not the type of guy to talk to two girls at once. Nor am I the type of guy to talk to two girls at a one party. Nor am I the type of guy to talk to any girl at the party. So I figured my best move for everyone was for me to not show up, and make plans with the girl I have been dreaming about and another night.

She caught me in the midst of being a fuck boy, I couldn’t let me coming out with you and accidentally running into a girl I lied to, a girl I went out with a few weeks ago, be my first impression. As much as I wanted to get laid, maybe that I might of had two chances, I knew immediately when I saw her in the hallways that this was something real. I couldn’t ruin it for the sake of someone’s company for one night. I’d rather wake up to the love of my life than fall asleep next to someone who will leave in the morning. I just never believed that something as little as seeing her in the hallway would flip my entire world upside down.