I Don’t Like Them Tall Folks

I don’t consider myself tall by any means. I’m barely 5’12” and I only tell girls I’m 6’ tall so they don’t immediately brush me off when I meet them. I’m the type of short guy that you would lose in a crowd or in the mall. It’s because of that fact that I consider myself as part of the short crowd rather than the taller one.

Truthfully, I’d rather be in the short king crowd. Those giant people are complete assholes. They think because they’re so tall and tower over all of us that they can walk all over us. They don’t even look where they’re stepping, not giving a shit if they step on any of us along their way.

Those gentle giants aren’t so gentle. They’re ruthless. They talk over us, they stand in front of us at shows, and have no consideration for any of us that are below their altitude. I can’t think of any of those human skyscrapers that I like or can even tolerate. And that’s coming from a short fellow that has, an Andre the Giant, type as a brother.

Just last week I was at this show for an hound a half waiting for the main performer to come on. I was ecstatic when they finally did. I had a spot with the clearest vantage point of the stage. Then this J.J. Redick looking dude, stumbled into the concert late and planted himself directly in front of me.

I couldn’t see anything but the back of his head. My night that was full of such a magical, euphoric rush was instantly changed to emotions of irritation and aggression. I became combative, a feeling I have always been able to tame, and called this douche out for standing in front of me.

In a surprising twist of events, he countered my volatile temper with compassion and cleared his path for me to stand. Instead of becoming a new foe he became an ally of mine. He made me want to make a change. He made me want to be a better person. He was a guy that has been living so high and still has time for us little guys down here.

That’s when I realized that there are decent people out there. He made me want to be a better person. I think I’ve outgrown the short kings that I have been a part of for so long. It’s time for me to make this world a better place and claim to be 6’ like I truly am.

I love tall people.

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