I’m not really a cologne guy. I haven’t worn any sort of that spray stuff since I was in high school playing fifty in the mornings. All I do is apply my deodorant in the morning and let it just ride out. If my natural stench comes out then it comes out. I’m Italian, all I’m going to smell like is garlic and onions and if you use the bathroom after maybe some asparagus.

When I’m out in public all I ever smell like is sex, alcohol, and weed. Nothing has had more precedence of my smell than the cannibas. You’ll only smell the others if you get close enough to me but you’ll smell that Mary Jane as soon as I walk in the front door.

It’s completely arrogant of me to be stinking up every place I step inside. No one wants to smell that shit while they’re inside a restaurant eating their dinner. I get it, it’s rude, but sometimes it does work out in my favor. Before I go into any restaurant to pick up my food for take out I always take one more hit of that devil’s lettuce ahead of going inside.

I’m always going to be an asshole that walks into the restaurant, reeking up the place, ruining everyone’s meal. I don’t just do it to be a dick, I do it because it helps me. Do you know how much quicker I get served now rather than those times when I actually cared about other people and wouldn’t show up smelling like I just came from a Wiz Khalifa concert?

As soon as I walk in wearing my fresh cannibas for men cologne, they greet me immediately hoping to get me in either a corner booth outside away from everyone or finding my take out order so I can get out of the restaurant ASAP. Right when I saw I’m here for a pick up my food is miraculously always ready for me. They even throw in some extra fries for me just because you know.

I hate cologne but if I wear any cologne it’s always Cannibas for men. It seems to always work for me. It makes me new friends, new connections, and gets me my food quicker each time I’m out. I guess that’s why I never wear cologne.