Our last night together was our hands down our worst night together. It was the first time we slept in separate beds since our first date. I was upstairs in mine staring at the ceiling all night long while she was downstairs in the guest bedroom with only her blanket, pillow, and a naked mattress.

Every other night we shared together would at the very least fall asleep smiling at one another before we went to bed. Even if she was pissed at me, it was how happy we were together that made us so magical, it didn’t matter what happened we would always find a way to smile together before we closed our eyes to fall asleep.

My favorite part about our time together was that I always got to wake up each morning next to her. For me it’s never been about who I spend my Saturday night with, all I cared about was spending my night with someone who I wanted to wake up next to each and every Sunday morning with.

But on our last night none of that happen. We both woke up the next morning alone and confused oblivious to the fact that this was our last moment together. We had this fight that boiled over from the bar back to the bed and into the morning.

It was the first time we didn’t fall asleep next to each other smiling. It was the first time we didn’t get to wake up the next morning holding one another. We spent our last night together sleeping in the same apartment. Which breaks my heart because together we found that real thing and we didn’t get to enjoy it up until our last second.

Our night alone was like a goodbye before we even knew it. Maybe we’re only chapters in each other’s story. But the way things ended between us will forever leave a sour “what if” kind of taste in my mouth.

She is someone I will always wish I got to say goodbye too. We had something real, something pure, and it’s something I will never forget. It’s just a things had to end the way we did for us. Together her and I found nirvana. Together it was like all of our dreams became our reality. I don’t think either of us thought we would end as abruptly as we did.

She will always be one of those “what if’s” I’ll be thinking about until the day I die. I will always wonder what if we actually got to say goodbye to each other? Would we still be together? Would I be able to actually sleep at night now? Who knows what could of happened? All I know is that it is never easy to say goodbye, even if you think you can handle it.