I’ve Gone Backwards

I’ve been corrupted. Four years ago you wouldn’t catch me looking at my phone. It was constantly on silent, even sometimes during the day it would be on airplane mode so I wouldn’t get any calls my way. I always had my headphones blasting so I couldn’t hear the world. I’d get lost in my music, I lived in my own world and nothing bothered me. It was euphoric.

I lost some relationships because I never cared to check my phone. I was always answering texts so late, never receiving any phone calls, and sometimes leaving it at home completely as I went to work. Nowadays it’s something that could crumble a relationship but to me it was beautiful. For a while I lived in the real world.

I hated my phone. I wanted to find any and every way to keep my phone in my pocket. The best days I had were the days I was on my phone the least. At least that was then. Since then things have changed. I’ve found myself conforming to this new mainstream. I’ve become brainwashed and feel like I have lost all of my free thought that I once had.

I find myself checking my phone constantly. I found myself checking it after every song as opposed to before when I used to only check it after I finished an album. These days I keep clicking on apps to see if anything new has popped off just to quickly close it out for another ten minutes until I check it again. I’ve got myself addicted to this fictional dopamine and feel like I’ve completely lost touch with reality.

No long have I made my own happiness. Instead my own happiness seems to rely on whatever is happening inside my phone. It has nothing to do with what’s actually going on with my life. Pathetic right. I’ve done a complete 180 and have become everything I’ve epitomized. I guess the first step is realizing it right.

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