I’m not talented at many things. I’m an electrician and I don’t think there’s much more I’m good at than that. I’m in shape according to my Wii, I read comics, but none of those are talents. I’m not good at the Wii, I got lucky one time and bowled a perfect game, and I read at the level of an eighth grader so it’s not even like it makes me seem smart. I think there’s only two things that I can legitimately say I’m “talented” at; one being a proficient electrician and the second being the best at spilling my drinks.

I tend to wear my drinks on the weekends more than I do actually drink them. As soon as that first sip of alcohol hits my lips when I’m out, I instantly forget how to hold a full mixie. I spill my half drink all over the floor sometimes just standing there, you should see me walking. As for the other half it’s on my shirt from when I would pour my drink all over myself before my lips could find their way to the cup. I’m like a five year old who is just learning how to drink from a real cup for the first time.

If you see me on the dance floor, forget about it, the entire dance floor is the splash zone of me and my cup. If I’m lucky I may have one sip of my vodka Red bull while I’m out there on the dance floor. The rest of it had drenched my shirt and is now soaking everyone’s socks. That’s typically why I spend so much on drinks at bars. I truly only have about three or four sips before being emptied out all over the dance floor.

I can’t even hold my drink, what makes me think I can hold one on the dance floor. Like I’m not even a good dancer. It’s not like I’m stealing the show with these immaculate face moves. It’s actually a little more pathetic than that, I’m out there hogging the dance floor, thronging my elbows around claiming space, spilling my drink on me and all over the floor, while dancing completely off the rhythm of every song. Writing about it now, it seems like I’m that guy that’s an asshole out there on the dance floor.

All I’m good at is wiring people’s houses during the week and spilling my drinks all over myself after hours. I get it now why people never want to go back out dancing with me after a night out. I don’t think I would either if I was them.