My DNA Is Everywhere

I like to think of myself as a great friend. Like the way Patrick the best of friends with Spongebob. I strive to be that same kind of friend he is. I’m that friend that will say yes to anything they ask and be there for anyone whenever they need me. No matter what it is I like to think I’m that guy that can be there for them. If I like them enough, I may even take a bullet for them. I’m that guy.

There isn’t anything I’d say no to. Hell there really isn’t much in my life I’ve said no, but if they need me I’m there for them. There’s just one thing I’ve come to realize; I’d be a terrible accomplice for my friends. If they ever needed a hand with a bank robbery or getting rid of someone, I would not be that guy. It would be the one thing I would say no too. If my hair was short I’d be all for it but with my long hair it makes it impossible.

If you’re around me for five minutes you’ll see it, first hand, how much my hair sheds. If I shake my head as little as nodding yes to someone, I’m bound to lose a few dead ends onto the floor. Which with modern day technology is an unfortunate trait to have. The forensic team would have a field day following my hair trail all the way back to my apartment.

If a friend asks me to help along those lines I can’t help. I’d just feel like if they’re asking to help they’re asking to be caught. I only have a small circle of friends so it’d be the easiest line up for the cops, they could ask a four year old could single me out. If they’re asking me to help them out they better be asking me to be a getaway driver. At least that way all my hair stays in the car.

I’m an incredible friend, just as Patrick is to Spongebob and Kel is to Keenan. There aren’t many things I’d say no to if one of my friends needed me, by all means please know I’m here for you. I just need you guys to know that I would be a terrible accomplice. So please, for as long as my hair is long, I won’t be able to help you guys anymore with that kind of stuff, I’m sorry.

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