I suck at fantasy football. I’ve been playing in multiple leagues for the past seven years now and I haven’t even come remotely close to winning. I’ve been lucky to make the playoffs maybe once or twice but that’s the extent of it. I spend all day Sunday watching these guys play, seeing players shining, and it’s yet to do me any good. I very well could be the worst fantasy football player ever to walk this Earth. Which is odd because I’m kind of a big football fan.

All I can think of is that I’m the worst fantasy football drafter out there. I have a very simple drafting philosophy, I strictly draft players based on three things; their name, their picture, and their back story. My current team consists of a guy named “Hollywood Brown,” a kicker who rocks only one eye black under his left eye, and a quarterback who has openly admitted to having an addiction to porn. My team is filled with a bunch of degenerates just like me and I love them every year. This year even more than ever.

Which I think has to be my worst trait; my commitment to my team. I tend to fall in love with my fantasy football team as soon as the draft is over. I love every single player I have as if I was actually the one coaching them through the season. If they ever ride a cold streak, I’ll always be that guy that’s in their corner knowing, hoping, that they’ll be able to flip it back around and produce.

I hate making trades, I hate dropping players, I’d rather play a game a guy short than let them hit the free agency pool. I can’t say it enough, I love my team, maybe too intimately. So much so that the team I drafted on day one, is the exact same team I finish the season with. Maybe that’s why I’m so terrible at Fantasy football.

This year I think it’ll finally pay off. MY team is stacked, versatile, and hungry for that championship belt. All fourteen of my players and my team defense are going to be stellar this year. My team is full of studs and if you don’t know about them now, you soon will. Troy’s Terrific Team is coming for you.

P.S. Yahoo created my name and I loved it. So I kept it.