Black Eye

As you may know I’m a huge Wii guy. Playing Wii Sports is essentially the only “workout” I ever do and the only hobby I have. That’s if you can even get yourself to call it a workout. To this day, I base how healthy I am, off of the Wii fitness test I do weekly after work on Friday. I tend to maintain a fitness age average at about twenty four, which for a twenty five year old, has to mean I’m in decent shape.

I will be the first to admit to you guys that my athleticism has definitely declined in the last few years. But if you go by the Wii fitness standard, I’m in shape, hell even a doctor would say to me that I need to start eating a little more to be healthy. I can definitely admit that I’m no longer the athlete I once was. Even worse, I came to that realization while I was playing Wii Sports.

I was only passing time one Friday night before I went out by smashing some dingahs in a home run derby on the Wii. I was determined to beat my previous record of eight home runs and almost six thousand and two hundred total feet. It was a ridiculous score that I haven’t come close to matching since and I play a shit ton.

I was in the zone that night and I was dead set on not going out that night until I beat my record. I was about four games (tries) in, beginning to warm up, and even started sweating more and more each time I played. So much so that if I didn’t break this record any time soon, I was going to have shower again.

My fourth game was decent, but it wasn’t enough to break my record but it was enough to give me confidence to keep playing. I figured it’d only take me a couple more games until I beat my record and could finally head out for the night. When I couldn’t hit a ball if my life counted on it during the fifth game, I was furious and thoroughly embarrassed with myself. I had two home runs and barely a thousand total feet on my home run distance. It was a pathetic performance.

It l’s hand down the worst home run derby performance I’ve ever had. So bad that I couldn’t let myself quit on such a bitter taste and terrible showing. I clicked try again and stepped up to the plate. First pitch was a straight moon rocket. The second was a dinger to deep center, and the third was upper deck deep in right field. I was feeling it.

So much so after I smashed my another poor baseball into orbit, I got cocky and spun the Wii remote around my wrist as I watched it sail out of the park. I felt like the man spinning the Wii remote around my wrist as the ball sailed away. While I bent over to, “get a better look” at my virtual home run, showing off to know one, the Wii remote spun past my hand and crashed straight into my face. My right eyeball specifically, I didn’t catch the remote as it spun back around.

What my bat just did to that baseball I had just smashed was exactly what the Wii remote did to my eye. The Wii remote was the bat and my eye was the ball. There I was spending my Friday night on the couch with an ice pack over my eye, covering up my black eye. A black eye I got from celebrating four home runs… in Wii Sports. Because of that I had to resort to spending the rest of the weekend with my ass planted in my couch swearing never to play my Wii again. You know what the worst part about all this was, I didn’t even break the record that night. The black eye put a damper on the best Wii derby I was ever having.

Who knows I may have hit ten out of ten home runs that game. Instead I ended up with half swollen shut, black eye for about a week and half and still a record that I haven’t come close to breaking.

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