Worst Stoner Ever

I’m terrible with all the hip new lingo and slang they have out there now. I’m honestly so bad at it I just tend to create my own lingo and catch phrases. You”ll be hearing me say, “Aye Jolly Rancher old sport.” you’ll be saying it before you know it. It’s slowly starting to catch on. If you haven’t heard it, don’t worry you’ll hear it soon enough. It’s a thing.

For instance there was a time I was buying a zip every month, from my guy, for a couple years right. It wasn’t until maybe six months ago I found out that a zip meant an ounce of weed. I’ve only known it for its street name. Evidently an ounce of weed got it;s nickname a zip because it would come in a sandwich sized zip lock bag. I guess it all makes sense now and truthfully I feel like an idiot for not seeing that two plus two is four.

I think the worst mistake I made as a stoner was with the word plug. The first time I had ever seen it was when I finally downloaded those dating apps. I never actually did the logistics of it but it felt like every three or four girls that surfaced on those apps were looking for a plug. Me being the drunk late night swiper I am was always provoked by someone asking for a plug.

Up until that point in my life the only time I ever heard the word plug was at work. (I’m an electrician) The only context I have for a plug is that it goes into something. So here I am swiping right every time I see someone asking for a plug hoping to match with them so I can “plug into the plug.” At least that’s what I thought a plug was.

There I was staying up all night talking to all these girls until they eventually deemed me cool enough and wanted to hangout. That’s when I realized what a plug truly was and honestly I wasn’t too far off. Each time someone came over it was like the same routine each time; they’d come over we’d smoke, we’d kiss, we spend some time in my bed, I give her some weed to get her home being the gentlemen I am. I mean I know I’d want some to get me back home too and then we’d go our separate ways. I would go back to my bed and pass out and wouldn’t hear back from them until they needed more weed.

Looking back on it now, I spent about three months smoking girls up that needed a plug, having sex with them, and then giving them weed on their way home in return for sex. I guess making me their plug to their definition. But kind of making me feel like I’ve been laying for sex for quiet some time now. I guess if you look at it from my perspective I was still their plug… you know as an electrician. I just didn’t realize it was costing me so much weed to be someone’s plug in either.

Hell I can barely even roll a meatball, leave alone anything to smoke out of. I gotta be hands down the worst stoner in the world.

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