I like to think I have decent hygiene. I shower just about everyday. I’d say the only time I don’t shower is when I shower to go out on a Saturday night and don’t get sweaty or dirty that night. I don’t really feel the need to shower on those Sundays I waste on the couch. I mean it’s not like I’m rolling around in the mud. Regardless of how frequently or infrequently I shower I stay clean. In the shower I shampoo every other day, condition my hair every time I wet it, like my first hair stylist told me when I started growing it out so long ago. I cap off my full body cleanse with a few swipes in each ear with a Q-tip.

I keep up the maintenance required on my body every day which is why one thing continues to baffle me; my earwax always cleans unevenly or gets dirty differently. Let me elaborate, I clean both ears and scrub them twelve times each (TB12) every day, but for some odd reason my left ear is always way grosser than my right. It’s always a way darker shade of orange than my right ear has and sometimes even pulls out a clump of earwax whereas my right ear tends to be spotless. It completely discombobulates me.

There’s only one logical explanation I can think of for it, I must spend too much time sleeping on the left side of my body. All the ear wax in my body must flow to my left ear as I sleep on my side at night, like some sort of drain flowing with gravity. It’s my only theory. My hypothesis is that if I start spending more time sleeping on my right shoulder or on my back, then my ears will balance out the wax themselves and solve my problem completely. The only thing is I’ll have to buy one of those pillows that holds my head perfectly still so I can sleep uncomfortably like a mummy in it’s tomb.

If you guys could only see what has come out of my left ear you understand why this has been on my mind like this. I’m going to start sleeping on my right side and I’ll get back to you guys on the results. There’s no way I’m wrong, it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.