Am I The Lamest Troy?

Am I the lamest Troy in the history of all Troys? I’ve only met one other Troy in my life, way back in fourth grade when I was riding the bus to school. Instantly I could see that he was way cooler than I would ever be and it sucked because I was the only ten year old on the bus and everyone else was like eight and younger… I was supposed to be the cool kid named Troy, not him. I know one other Troy and I think I despise him.

The worst thing that has happened to me was when High School Musical came out. I still rewatch it to this day frequently, I mean it’s one of my favorite movies, but every time I watch it I tend to hate myself more and more. I wish I could be half as cool as Troy Bolton is in his movies. Troy Bolton can do it all, he can sing, he can play basketball, and he gets the girls. And then there’s me. I mean I can’t sing for shit, I think my mom takes pride in telling me I have an atrocious singing voice. I could never shoot the outside J as well as he did in those movies even after spending years in my driveway practicing, it’s frustrating. Not only does it suck watching these movies because it reminds me of my lack of talents but it’s also a slap in the face for not having the same love he has with Gabriella.

Gabriella Montez is hand down my biggest movie crush. What she and Troy had in those movies have had me searching for my Gabriella ever since. I envy the love they had, they had this flame they shared, that seems like it would never burnout. It’s because of them I have been striving everyday to find that same kind of love for myself. Troy Bolton has set a standard in my life that I will never be able to reach, and as much as I love him, and you guys know I love him, I hate him just as much for it. I will never “be as cool as Troy.”

Then there was this movie called Troy that I received as a gift on Christmas the year I turned seventeen. Seventeen is such a blah year and the only thing worth exciting over was being able to “legally” get into r rated movies. Santa gave it to me way back then and I’m ninety percent sure it’s still wrapped in it’s plastic.

I have never seen the movie Troy. I guess naturally you would assume that that is one of my favorite movies and that the Trojan War is one of my favorite mythological stories, but that’s why you don’t assume, you’d be wrong. The only thing I know about that movie is there’s a shot in the film where you can see an airplane flying in the background, which is hilarious. As far as the Trojan War I’ve just read about it on Wikipedia so I could write this and always forget that back in the day, you could just build an army and steal whatever you wanted. I guess it’s kind of like being rich nowadays.

It’s evidently clear that I very well could be the lamest Troy to walk the face of this earth. I don’t know shit about my name and the pop culture behind it, it has no reflection on my Italian heritage, and has nothing to be shortened to to make a cool nickname. Nor do I have any secret talents or have done anything worth warranting a nickname. Am I the lamest Troy out there?

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