Ever since that iCarly episode when Sam said his Gibby’s middle name was Freddy and the girls asked them what it was and he said, “Ah well sorta, it’s Cornelius.” I died laughing. I’ve been obsessed with that name ever since. To this day, I still find that scene to be one of the funniest tv scenes I’ve seen. It keeps cracking me up.

So much so I stole the joke and made it my own. My new favorite thing to do is when I meet someone for the first time I can introduce myself whatever name I want. Inspired by that episode of iCarly, as long as I’m not at work, I always introduce myself as Cornelius. I find it to be a way cooler name than Troy and one that people will remember, since lord knows I can’t remember anyone’s name. I’ve been doing it for a while now so I’ve had a lot of practice with this joke, since the show is so old, I’ve only recently been able to keep a straight face after people doubted me.

I now can stand my ground and remind them confidently that my name is in fact Cornelius. Sometimes to the ones who are gullible enough to believe that is actually my name, I tell them they can call me Corn for short. There’s actually been a few people I’ve known for months now and all they refer to me as is Corn, unknowing that it’s a completely fictional name.

I’m only realizing now that it’s starting to backfire. I feel like an asshole when I get reintroduced to someone and have to stall for a moment trying to remember what’s my name to them, like in that episode of Spongebob when he knew nothing but fine dining and entirely forgot his name. I was just like Spongebob and had everyone inside my brain scrambling to remember what I said my name was to them.

The most awkward moment I ever had, was that time I remet this girl out at the bar again. The first night we met we were both too far gone to keep the night going until the sun came up. We settled for an exchanging of numbers and the hopes of seeing one another again. She proceeded to give me her phone to type my number on her keypad. After I finished typing and doubled and tripled checked to make sure it was actually my number on display to make sure my thumb didn’t accidentally click the wrong number, she took her phone back and saved my number before I could put my name in there.

A couple weekends later I actually saw her out again, fortunately this time was earlier in the night, so this time I introduced myself as Troy. It was long enough ago since we had first met so we didn’t remember each other’s name, but we did remember vibing with one another that one time. So we spent the night together like it was the first time …again. We were together sharing laughs and smiles just as we did before, only this time we were both about six shots prior to the state of mind we were in when we first met.

When It finally came time and I had to leave, I asked her if we could exchange numbers, both of us forgetting we had done it before. As I started typing my number into her phone I saw the name Cornelius pop up underneath it. I instantly started dying laughing with her phone in my hand.

She then obviously asked me what I was laughing about and all I did was show her her phone with the name Cornelius and there she was laughing along with me. She told me she thought I looked familiar and knew I had a wicked uncommon name but when I reintroduced myself as Troy I threw her off. She immediately remembered me from the other night just as I did of her.

Now that she knows that I’m saved under Cornelius in her phone she has a way to reach me if she actually wants to hangout again. Whether she does or not, I clearly need to do a better job of remembering what I introduce myself as when I meet people. Otherwise I’m going to keep shooting myself in the foot and giving my number out to people that got the wrong name. No wonder why no one calls me back.