I have terrible trust issues, like severe trust issues. To the point where I don’t even trust my car enough to take me as far as two blocks down the street without breaking down. As an electrician I don’t even sit under any light, ceiling fan, or any fixture I instal in the ceiling. I mean I definitely trust the way I instal it, I’m no hack, I’m just saying I know how some of those things are fastened together and I just don’t trust them.
This kind of mentality has been haunting me for years now. It gives me the most anxiety I’ve ever felt. It’s actually one of the only times I ever get overcome with anxiety. It lingers over me like a dark cloud, every second of everyday over my head I don’t ever feel safe. For example, there’s a reason why I keep my bed in the corner of my room. Every bedroom typically has a ceiling fan in the center of it, there’s no way I’m falling asleep, lying unconsciously under one of those ceiling fans and letting it fall on top of me in my bed.
This thinking has started driving me insane at work because I can’t even get myself to trust any of the disconnects or safety gear we have at work. I’ve seen way too many YouTube videos of people getting blown up for failed switchgear I have zero faith that any of those things will protect me. More often than not I tend to bang out sick on the days we turn the power on at work because I’m that petrified that something might fail.
Even worse now my phobia has grown significantly worse. I can’t even travel safely without my mind playing out the worst case scenario in my head. The whole time I’m on an airplane all my mind thinks about is the plane somehow crashing, assuming the worst. Even driving over bridges, I’m just skeptical since most of these things that were built fifty or sixty plus years ago, will last forever. Am I supposed to trust those same corroded bolts they fastened when they built the bridge. Have they done any maintenance on the suspension wire supporting the entire bridge? There is always this little voice in the back of my mind screaming inside of me telling me not to trust these things, it’s only a matter of time until they fail.
I like to think things are built to last, but sadly I know first hand that just isn’t true. I know how some of the guys are that I have worked with and it doesn’t make me feel any more comfortable about this whole thing. I’ve seen lights break or collapse just because we look at it funny, no touching of it, or moving it, just straight up falling from the ceiling because the wine blew. I know there may be some human error along the way, I mean it’s only inevitable until these things fail. We are the people making all these things and I know I can’t speak for everyone but I’m far from perfect at my job. I just hope when things fail, I’m not around them when it happens. .