Back home I was wicked good at food shopping. Maybe even the best food shopper in Mass at the time. I’d be in and out of there faster than you can decide which cereal you want this week. I knew where everything was in the store and hardly ever needed a while I shopped. So like a motorcycle in grid lock traffic driving in-between lanes, I was able to swerve up and down each aisle at ease. I started making it into a competition and time myself each week to see if I’ve gotten any quick.

Down here, things are drastically different. I’ve never spent as long in a supermarket as I do when I go down here. I’ve turned into a terrible food shopper and it sucks. I have no idea where anything is in this market, so I find myself swerving up and down each aisle looking for the things I need for the week. I’ve become so bad at shopping that I’ve had to ask the people that work there where things are. Which was a terrible idea.

I asked this one dude where the chocolate chips were and without hesitation he told me they were in the aisle on the other side of the store. It was the last thing I needed to get so I high tailed it over to aisle fifteen like he said and was immediately disappointed. He lied to me. There’s no way they keep the chocolate chips in the same aisle as the paper towels and tissues. It was the paper products aisle, why the hell would the chocolate chips be here?

Fortunately there was another employee stocking a shelf with toilet paper. I have already been up and down this entire store twice now and still haven’t found the chocolate chips anywhere. I didn’t care that the kid sent me off aimlessly for the chocolate chips, I just wanted to find them so I could get out of the store. So I asked this dude stocking the shelves where they were and he told me the same thing the other guys said, “They’re on the other side of the store aisle three I believe, with the baking stuff.” This guy gave a more definitive answer, one that I felt confident listening to as opposed to the other dude that just shunned me off and pointed to the other side of the store.

For the third time now, I went across the store back finding myself in the same aisle where it all started. I turned the corner into aisle three and the kid who I initially asked for help was still there stocking his shelves. We didn’t speak to each other as when I walked by him looking for the chocolate chips. We didn’t even look at each other. I had nothing to say to him after that stunt he pulled on me. As I was passing by him with my little mean mug on my face, I saw the chocolate chips right behind his cart on the shelf.

They were right in front of our eyes the entire time. I could only assume this was the kids first day on the job or something and he wasn’t just being a complete asshole to me sending me all over the store. He just didn’t know where they were. His cart was full of chips ahoy cookies that completely covered every item on the shelf across from where he was working. I can’t blame him for not seeing them, hell I didn’t see them. Without even looking at him I simply pushed his cart out of the way, grabbed my chocolate chips, and b lined it to the checkout.

I mean if you don’t know where things are, just say it, I’ll keep looking or ask the next person I see. There’s no reason to send me on a wild goose chase on the complete wrong side of the store. Just be honest, tell me you have no fucking clue where they are and save me that extra trip. I do my food shopping on Sundays, the last thing I want to do is spend any more time away from my couch than I have too. At least now I know where everything on my list is. Now I just have to work on my quickness again.