In all honesty I don’t care much for the mask anymore. I’ve actually never cared about them. I haven’t missed a beat since all this has started; I’ve still been going to work around hundreds of people sharing tools, I’ve still been out at bars and played basketball with some of the guys, and have swapped saliva with a couple girls in the midst of all this craziness. I’m not doubting the virus is real, I’m just saying at this point it’s hard to say that I haven’t been around it.

That’s why I hate the mask. There’s no reason to wear it at this point anymore. I mean there’s no way I’ve been able to hide from it this whole time while living my life the way I’ve been living. If you ask me there’s only been two benefits from these masks; I don’t have to run back inside to brush my teeth when I forget, and I can walk around the supermarket lip singing along to all my music as hard as I want too without people thinking I’m any crazier than I already am.

The downside of not brushing my teeth when I wear my mask is I tend to stink them up before they ever get worn enough. I never lose them, I just have to throw them away prematurely because they start to reek terribly. I guess it’s a good thing I’m the only one that has to deal with it and everyone else doesn’t have to breathe in my gross green gas like that episode of Spongebob.

Before all this, if you saw me out in public with headphones you’d see me dancing to whatever song I had blasting and tapping my hand on my hip to the beat. With these masks now, I have no shame in singing along to any of my guilty pleasures. If my mask ever fell down while I was out at the market, you’d probably find me singing every word to Lady Gaga’s Stupid Love or Shania Twains I Feel Like A Woman.

The other thing that has happened since this mask thing has been enforced has been my perception on girls. I used to fall in love with every girl that I’d see smiling. This whole mask thing has put a huge damper on that. Nowadays I’m over here judging girls by their hairlines and their ear lobes since the smile is now a thing of the past. I’ve started to notice way more five heads than before, not just on girls, but on everyone in public since this all started. And between all the gauges and hoop earrings people wear, I can’t believe how low peoples earlobes hang. I’ve actually started making myself insecure about my own forehead and ears now.

I just want to go back to the old days when you could fall for someone simply based on their smile instead of making an inference on them for how they’re rocking their hair or the type of earring they’re wearing. I miss seeing people smile. The one thing these masks are doing is buying me enough time to fix my teeth and whiten up my smile until this thing gets lifted. I figured I should take advantage of this time while I can.