Nothingman

I’ve been in love once before and it was one of the some of the most precious years of my life. It only took me sixteen years of walking this percent for me to find my soulmate. I knew it from the very first moment I saw her in the hallways that she was the one for me. There was just something about the way she made me feel, on some unique wavelength that I instantly craved. I remember time stopped and my heart skipped a couple beats in that first moment she looked my way. Ever since that moment we first shared together, she’s had a piece of my heart.

We spent years together living that we’ve both always dreamt about growing up. We wasted our times filling our nights going for walks in the park under the moon lit night or confined to one of our rooms hiding from the world. We didn’t have to be out drinking like the rest of our friends, all we wanted to do was to be together. It never mattered what we were doing.

Our time together was perfect and even the word perfect doesn’t do any decency. We had it all and it had been some of the best times of my life. What we had was was something we had always dreamt about, something I had spent my whole life dreaming about. Unfortunately we found ourselves at a crossroads and our paths deviated from one another. She went one way and I went another off into the world on or own ways and I became a nothingman.

“Caught a bolt of lightning, cursed the day he let it go.” Her and I had something magical. I had all of my dream at the palms of my hands with her and then one day things stiffened and we took other sides. We shared empty stares with each other from the corners of our prison cell. In a way we became our worst enemies and when we faced the fork in the road I split. “He who forgets will be destined to remember.”

I had to run from that point to become the man I wanted to be. To become the man I am today. I needed to outrun our shadow and escape my past so I can be myself without anything holding me back. I needed to be out experiencing the real world on my own without anyone holing my hand along the way. I needed to know what type of man I truly am. I needed to apply all the lessons I’ve learnt, the ones she’s taught me along the way, so I could prosper. I needed to make my own mistakes and deal with their own repercussions to see exactly the type of man I am.

I wish I could say something more than fortunate to describe how lucky I am to spend time with her. She has given me an accelerated course on not just what it takes to be a man, but what it means to be a gentleman. In a way I’m forever indebted to her for that. Together we shared something special, something real, something that is truly worth it. But I found myself living in our shadow and had to go out and cast my own. I had to become a man. I’ve just recently found myself able to face the man in the mirror and I only have her to thank for it. I had to become a nothingman to know exactly who I was as a person.

Trust me there’s a long extensive list for all the things she’s taught me and I’m still learning today. I will forever be grateful for her to be the one to introduce me to love. In it’s purest, most compelling form I’ve known. It’s been the most addictive drug i’ve ever tried and she has me hooked on it in a way I’ve yet to be able to find a fix for it. Until then I’m just a nothingman.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s