I have terrible grammar. I think I’ve made that abundantly clear over the past year. I’m not even sure if I’m making any improvements. It almost pathetic that theirs people out there trilingual, bilingual, and I’m barely even lingual with my native tongue. Nick Miller said it best from New Girl, “I don’t think I actually know how to read. I think I’ve just memorized a lot of words.”

I can’t help but feel like that’s the perfect way to explain my elementary vocabulary and my imprecise use of punctuation marks. My spelling is dreadful, I toss in commas like Oprah handing out gifts at her show, and write stories in four paragraphs and only three sentences. The best part about all of it is that I will never have to read it out loud. I can’t even pronounce half the words I type right and that includes the word camera.

But as ignorant as I am with the English language, I do have a bone to pick with them. I’m far from anyone that should talk but just hear me out. You already heard my tirade about the fact that Webster and anyone else that makes a keyboard, doesn’t keep Q and U together. That’s beside the fact, but what you allow as a compound word and words you decided to rudely correct me on for combining it completely arbitrary.

For instance; the word onto is one word, afterward is one word, in front is two words. a lot is two words. Honestly you could make any of these words one word or two and I wouldn’t even bat an eye. I’d still read it the same way. But if you’re Microsoft Word or the English language they’ll quickly ounce on you for your mistakes.

I mean what’s the difference? It’s all the same, we still read them both the same whether they’re separated or not so why does it matter? There’s few times it’s relevant and thats like pickup and pick up or all ready and already. Auto correct always misses when I have a fragment error or when I spell for fro but pounces on me as soon as I accidentally forget to put a space in-between inbetween. Essentially two words that belong together as one like Q and U. (They infuriate me.)

I wish I was more inept with the English language to exhibit their flaws in a presentable argument rather than pointing out their inconstancy within their grammatical rules. Unfortunately I still have to google the correct way to spell and definition of inept to make sure I’m not making a fool of myself. I just wish Word or whatever would throw me a freakin bone and correct those simple errors that everyone reads right over, knowing damn near what I meant.

I’ll pick my battles with you English Language or Webster or whoever it is I’m suppose to take this up with. Between the whole Q and U thing and now this, you’re really starting to push my buttons.

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