I’m a horrible chief. I like to think I’m at least a half decent su chief but even that’s being optimistic. There are only three things I know how to cook and it’s Italian food, a grilled cheese, and pancakes. I’m only claiming that I know how to cook them, I won’t say they’re any good but I can assure you they’re at least tolerable. I’d cook gravy and pasta on Sundays with some wine or whenever I can get some free time during the week. I never put together any extravagant meal I don’t know how, The wildest I got was when I made cutlets and meatballs smothered with some gravy. I only cooked my grammy’s recipe for gravy because I can’t eat anyone else’s. She’s honestly ruined that for every one, plus I don’t know any other way to do it.

I learned how to cook pancakes from my mom. Not like it was hard or that comprehend. There were four of us growing up in the house, she barely had time to hear her own thought or cook us all dinner leave alone breakfast.But when she made breakfast, she never skimped out. She never bought the basic add water shitty pancakes. She always would reach for the top shelf at the market and grab the family size Bisquick and toss it in the cart for us.

It’s all I’ve ever had was Bisquick pancakes, aside from when I go out to eat to Brothers of course. Those early mornings when she would cook us breakfast were amazing. Since then I haven’t deviated from it because truth be told Bisquick is some of the best pancakes I’ve ever had and I’ve had enough pancakes to know a good cake from a bad cake. My mom perfected the Bisquick recipe. We had this big plug in griddle that allowed her to chief up eight pancakes at a once for us. The recipe was easy. All you had to do was add a couple eggs, a couple cups of milk and bang gourmet pancakes served on a platter. She’d always take exception and make a couple plain pancakes for me before she contaminated the whole batter with chocolate chips. Don’t get it twisted, I love chocolate chip pancakes just as much as the next guy, I just love having a couple plain ones to start off with a clean pallet.

Last Sunday I woke up motivated. I haven’t made pancakes in a hot minute and I had a hankering for some of those fluffy, most tasteful, damn near perfect Bisquick pancakes. I mixed all the ingredients together following them to the T. and was quickly disappointed with it’s context, How did this get so watery? I must have been over the two cup line for milk. So I than proceed to add more batter to the mix to compensate for the surplus of milk in there. “Fuck.” I added too much batter. I now had to pull the milk back from the fridge and add a little more, now to offset the excessive amount of batter I dumped into it. Yet again, I mis judged how much milk I added resulting in me again having to add more mix to my bowl to nullify all the excess milk I dumped in.

Before I knew it, I had about a half a gallon of milk and almost three quarters of the Bisquick filling the bowl. I had enough batter to cook enough pancakes to feed an army. It was like half the quantity my grammy would cook on a Sunday dinner so we all had some leftovers to take home. Except these were pancakes. I may be able to save the batter for a day or two, but pancakes were not something you eat left over. This is Bisquick we’re talking here. They’re something you simply dump whatever you don’t finish in the trash or the garbage disposal.

So I decided to save the extra batter and fed myself pancakes for breakfast lunch and dinner for the next two days. They say all it takes is ten thousand hours to be classified as a professional or proficient at something, I can attest first hand, that isn’t true. Look a me with these damn pancakes. One batch their as thin as a piece of paper, other times their as fat as a Big Mac. I can’t even follow the directions on the box. It’s safe to say I’m going to be taking a hiatus from pancakes for awhile. I started to shit pancakes the third day.

Unless someone wants to go to Ihop, I’d make an exception for them. I have too many of give cards I got from christmas that I’ve been dying to use. I love Ihop pancakes.