My Workout

I don’t workout. For me it’s been pointless and boring. I find no desire to lift an insane amount of weight or to have a chiseled chest That just isn’t appealing to me. Maybe it’s because every time I tried to workout or to gain weight its never worked. No matter how many hours I dedicated to the gym or how much I stuffed my face with the worst fast foods, I never saw any result.

I tried jogging once and as you’ve read it was terrible. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that people like doing that for fun. What the hell do we even need cardio for? I don’t ever find myself in situations I have to randomly start sprinting. Is it that hard to climb a flight of stairs to work or walk up a hill on a sidewalk. I feel like thats enough isn’t. Or just go for a hike or a walk around the block a few times. It’s all I do, I walk and get beer in the morning and then run to the packie in the afternoon. That’s pretty much the extent of my workouts.

The only time I actually get my heart beating and my blood pumping, is when I’m smoking. It starts with a subtle warm up when I climb fifteen steps upstairs to my room. After I pack and hit my bowl once, letting the smoke settle in my lungs, I than proceed to start my one and only working. I start with a quick hundred push ups (to justify all the beers I drink that day) Then while I’m smoking, I toss in my headphones, and start to grove. I break a sweat choreographing off beat dances to everyone of my favorite songs.

I’m nowhere near any good at dancing. The only reason why I like going out to a bar to dance dance is because it’s so dark in there I don’t have to worry about anyone seeing how bad I actually am. Hence why I let loose in my bathroom. In my bathroom it’s as if I sold out Madison Square Garden and the spotlights shinning down on me for a solo. I go crazy in the mirror jumping up and down, two stepping side to side, moving off rhythm with the beat. I end up with a decent sweat and by the time I finish smoking and decided it’s time to head downstairs to relax.

Then I descend from my room, as a little cool down, and sink into the couch either too stone or too tired to move for a couple hours. If I must admit it’s probably from the smoking shortening my breath. I didn’t dance nearly hard enough to deserve a break on the couch. I should be playing Wii using my leg muscle a little bit longer considering how little I do. Truthfully I can barely even stand for ten minutes at a time anymore. The only time I can move is when I’m in front of the mirror with my head phones and my door locked so I know, no one will ever see me.

Geez maybe I should start jogging or something. I get winded from dancing for ten minutes in front of the mirror. That’s almost pathetic.

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