I’ve only turned down sex with two girls before in my life. I don’t need to get into detail about how many times I’ve been turned down, that’s besides the fact. There’s only two times I can recall where I actually had to look a girl in their eyes and say no. Not because I didn’t want to, these insanely attractive girls, I would have loved to, I just couldn’t. To this day I still wish I could get my chance with them again.

The first time it happened I was barely eighteen. I was visiting some friends at college and the only thing I intended to do the first night we got there was to drink until I couldn’t drink anymore. Collectively we did just about that, between the drinking games and all the shots, none of us were all there by the end of the night. I remember the girl that I was staring at all night was finally staring back at me by the end of the night. I couldn’t believe how much she caught my eye. It was almost immediately when I got there and enhanced the more the night went on. She was beautiful. She painted this dark red lipstick on her lips that was just as fierce as personality. I finally made my move over to her to talk to her, hopefully little more intimately than from across the room. When I got closer, I could look into her eyes, I noticed she wasn’t there, she had those ghost eyes. She was slurring her words during conversation and was only leaning on me because she couldn’t hold herself up on her own. She was persistent on inviting me into her room to keep her company but and I had to say no. She asked me and asked and asked and eventually everyone in the apartment knew what was going on and took her from me and tucked her into bed. I would have loved nothing more than to spend my night with her but I would have felt awful taking advantage of her. Also She wound up puking in her bed that night so I’m glad I wasn’t there for that.

It stinks now she has a boyfriend, competely shattering any chance I have of ever having a chance with her again. They seem happy together every time I’ve been around them. I’m honestly happy for her. I can’t say with any confidence I’d be any good for her besides a story to tell. I don’t mind settling for her and I staring at each other from across the room at our annual Christmas party. It makes my night and almost makes my year. I tell myself that you’re thinking the same thing as I am and thats enough to help me sleep at night.

The other time was on one of my first tinder dates. We simply agreed to meet at the movies… while the sun was still out. I didn’t think the date would amount to anything more than watching the movie she picked that night. Once the movie started she grabbed my hand and ignored the movie completely whispering to me the entire time making conversation. I thought she was wicked cool. I couldn’t wait for the movie to finish so I could hear her voce for real instead of her trying to hide it. We met inside the theater, so not only did I not get to hear her talk yet, I still haven’t been able to see anything more than the pictures of her she has online. I was listening to her soothing whisper thinking thee movie wouldn’t end fast enough.

When the lights came on, after the movie ended, I was completely taken back by her beauty. She looked far more attractive than I had seen in her pictures. She had this dark red hair that I mistaken for black because it was so dark. She winged her eyeliner that complimented her dark brown eyes perfectly, and her smile, paired with that red lipstick set chills down my spine. I couldn’t believe how attractive she was. By the time we got out of the movies it was dark and I insisted on walking her to her car like the gentleman I am. She turned to me instantly with a smile on her face and asked if I wouldn’t mind driving her to her car. Needless to say we went to my car and one thing led to another and our lips were locked with one another. Just as she unbuckled my belt to take my pants off I stopped her. I couldn’t go on any longer. I had to shut her down and promise her next time we would go all the way. I shamefully spent the next went minutes before she left me forever, explaining to her I was well overdue for a moonscape. I was far to embarrassed to let anyone see what was going on down there. Hell I can’t even look at that jungle in the mirror anymore, I desperately need to take care of it.

How was I to know things would escalate so quickly? It was a first date… a movie date during the day nonetheless. I thought I’d be lucky enough to steal a kiss before she left. Sadly I never saw her again. She fell in love as quickly as I turned her down that night and I’ll never have a chance with her again. Sometimes I feel like Good Luck Chuck when I see all these girls that I blew my chance with happily with someone else. I guess I’m just glad they’re happy. At least one of us is.