The first friends I’ve ever had growing up were my parents friend’s kids. All of our parents happen to have kids around the same time, hence how they all met and how we all became friends. They just used us as an excuse to get together with one another. They’d would drag us from our video games to someone’s house with their bottles of wine and let us kids run wild in the yard while they sat by the pool or on the deck. It was honestly perfect though, we truly loved it. We were all within three or so years of each other so made it easy for us to play imaginary games and still be kids together as long as we could.

There was probably ten of us total and almost evenly split between guys and girls. We played hide and seek, shark (when we had a pool), kick the can, and always had chalk on deck and scooters so we could hangout in the street and give our parents a heart attack every time a they heard a car beep. We spent just about all of our weekends together growing up. Any chance our parents had to get together and get us out of their hairs for awhile, they’d jump at the opportunity and we I think we were the beneficiaries every time. We had a blast together.

I’ll be the first to admit it, I think I had a crush on all of my friends at one point or another growing up. I was lucky that everyone in our group could turn heads wherever they went and I mean that even more so now. I was to young back then to care intimately about them or any girls in that case, hell I was too busy trying to beat them in all the yard games we were playing I’d hate them if I lost. In no way did I care to be chasing girls then, I was all about winning. Although I think in the back of all of our minds we had this feeling that someday day one of us would find our way to one another… one day.

What horrible timing that one day was. I matched with one of my childhood crushes, from our group, on a dating app just as I was jumping ship and moving out of state nearly a thousand miles away. I was moving for good, I had no intention of coming home until Christmas time, which wasn’t for another four months. Let me preface and even emphasis further that I had a huge crush on her growing up and still do today, even now. Her laugh, her smile, and her beating me in those games we played was something I always looked forward to as kid when we hung out. We lost touch for while but seeing her grow up as beautifully as she did and matching with her on that app like I had, almost made me want to stay home and give it a chance.

When I got home, four months later, for Christmas I somehow convinced her to give me a chance to hangout, and it was everything I have always dreamed it would be. I walked and met her at her house around down the street and we walked back around the block laughing, sneaking in looks at each other when the other wasn’t looking , until we finally got to my house. When we got there we didn’t need a drink, bowl a movie, or music we simply enjoyed each others company.

I couldn’t help it when my eyes locked with hers, I was completely lost. Her brown eyes had me hypnotized and I could’t look away, nor did I want to. Until my eyes closed when our lips locked together for the first time. I couldn’t believe how soft her lips were, just like the touch of her hands on my arm, its gave me goosebumps and set off fireworks inside my heart. Each kiss sent chills down my back and I kept craving more and more. We spent a few hours together that night until it was too late and she had to leave. We walked around the block again, this time cutting through the side streets, through our old stomping ground, revealing some of our most precious hiding spots in the neighborhood.

Tragically I blew every chance I had with her the very next night… completely unaware of it. We both happened to be out at the same bar. I was out catching up with some old friends I haven’t seen since I left and I guess she was with hers. She saw me and I didn’t see her once. From her perspective I looked like a total douche bag, ignoring her the entire night and I totally get it, that would be a douche move of me. I’m lucky you took enough pity on me not to make a scene about it publicly at the bar.

I wish I saw her that night, there is no way I would ever ignore her if I saw her. I truly admire her, I would love to spend more time with her. I was so caught up with my friends I didn’t even notice her. I ran into a girl from high school, who was arch nemesis with my ex girlfriend back in the day, and was all over the place. All I wanted to do was slug beers with my friends. I didn’t know I was going to see so many familiar faces. They’re all lame excuses for sure, but If I saw her, she would have been my perfect getaway from all of those fake smiles I was around.

If I saw her I would have ditched my friends immediately and done everything I could to prevent another night with you from inevitably ending. We had so much fun together just the night before sharing smiles, and talking deeply, I was craving another night with her like that. Maybe it was just bad timing. Who’s to say if what we had was something real or it would be, we were only lit for a second before we faded away. Who knows how long our flame could have burned for. I’m just glad I finally got my chance to kiss you at least once, after all these years. I think it’s been sixteen years or something like that but who’s counting.