My First Edible

I never ate any edibles before. I’ve only heard stories about them and how awesome they were from my friends. Needless to say I was ecstatic to finally try them. I should preface this by saying I’m probably the worst stoner in the world. I can’t roll either a joint or a blunt, I’ve never smoked out of an apple or a water bottle, and just recently I hit my first gas mask and that kept me hit for sixteen hours, I woke up still high. I now resort to using my one hitter and my bowl because it’s the only way I know how to smoke. I’ve been picking up a zip of weed a month since I was about twenty years old. I’m now twenty four and just found out a zip is an ounce of weed. All I knew was if I gave my guy two hundred twenty bucks, he’d give me a bag with enough weed in it to last me a month so I didn’t have to constantly go pick up.

It’d be an understatement to say I was excited to have my first edible. I was sitting on the couch with my brothers early one Saturday with no side work to take care of, no errands to run, and no one to see. It was perfect. So I ate the brownie right there on the couch in front of my brothers and was ready to do nothing. They were in disbelief that this was my first time eating an edible, considering how I’m like the “Weed Guy” in our family. Like I said I’m the worlds worst stoner. Initially I didn’t feel a thing nor did I expect too. I know it takes a second for a good high to kick in.

Just as I fell back into the couch to lounge with my brothers, I hear the garage door kick open and my dad yelling, “Troy you home I need your help today.” Immediately my brothers started bursting out laughing at me. I remember one of them saying something to my dad like, “You don’t want his help today.” and then they both proceeded to laugh at me until my dad asked, “What’s so funny?”

“Troy just ate his first edible I don’t think he’ll be much help for you today.” My brothers couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t want to get up at all. I wanted to stay on the couch all day, the last thing I wanted to do was work. When my dad came in the room and asked for a second time I knew I had help him. I was an electrician, just like he was, whether I was high or not I was always better help than my brothers. While they sat on the couch, where I wanted to be, I went upstairs to change, got in his rape van, and made our way to the empty house he’s been working on. All he said we had to do was snake some wires from the basement up to the attic. He said that was it, “We won’t be here more than an hour.” That’s what he always says but an hour to him can quickly turn into a six hour day. He said he was going to come back and cut in all the boxes in the attic one morning when it’s cooler.

He says to me, “Alright I’m gonna set up down here in the basement for the pull, you’re gonna have to crawl in the attic, drill the whole down this outside wall, and send the snake down.” Great, I should have anticipated a curveball like this. He always has me crawling around in crawl spaces, or tight attics, or really anywhere he just didn’t want to go. Why would today be any different, he had me crawling around in a blown in insulted attic, stretching spread eagle from stud to stud, trying not to fall through the ceiling, doing all the tough work while he was probably in the van checking his MegaMillions number to see if he’s won anything, waiting for me to be send the snake down the wall. At one point he had the audacity to heckle me asking, “Do you want to be here all day?”

He had no sympathy for me. I realized I was moving slow, I mean I just ate an edible forty five minutes ago, and I think it’s now starting to kick in. He could give me a break here. Every now and then I had to look down and move my feet side to side just to make sure they were still functional. It was getting anxious, I was worried about my feet, and I had no idea what was going to happen next. It doesn’t help that I’m covered in insulation hurting my stomach laying on the studs trying not to fall through the ceiling. It didn’t take me long to drill the hole and send the snake down, that was the easy part. The hard part was getting over there. It felt like I was a kid in a play ground going up and over ducts and in between studs, crawling on all fours just to get to where I needed to be, only this I was in an attic getting sweaty, sticky, and itchy. The only hiccup we had was when I got to where I had to drill the holes we weren’t able to hear each other. I didn’t take my phone up because I didn’t want to loose it crawling around, it’d be impossible to find. After I drilled out the holes I sent the snake down hoping he’d see it and tug on it, so I know he has it. If he does another tug it means that he was all tapped up and I could pulled it up. I felt another tug so I stared pulling it up and just as quickly as I could pull the empty snake out of the hole, he raced up the house to poked his head into the attic to yell at me, “What they hell are you doing don’t pull it up. I’ll tell you when to pull up I wasn’t even taped on. Send it back down.”

Once the pull was done we actually started cleaning up. We packed up his van and we headed home. It was an honest hour long day. When we got home I didn’t even want to shower yet. I could feel my body getting groggier and lazier. I had to sit down for a little on the floor, I was too dirty to get back on the couch. My brothers hadn’t moved the entire time we were gone, and I was so envious of them because that was exactly what I wanted to be. One of my brothers asked my dad, “How was he?”

“He was a space shot, I was waiting on him the whole time, he kept pulling the snake up before I could even grab it to tape onto it making our day longer, and I think he fell asleep in the attic while he was drilling out those holes.” Dad even joined in with them as they all laughed at me. I was just happy to be home now doing nothing enjoying this edible like I wished I’ve been doing all along. The last thing I ever wanted to do today was to work. I was lucky I didn’t have to help him do a service or anything serious like a shut down because who knows how much help I’d be. I may be more harm than good at that point. I spent the start of my high, in an attic worried about loosing feeling in my feet and now I can relax at home and enjoy the rest of it comfortably in a habitable room and do nothing.

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