Jogging

I was driven to my breaking point. I’ve been stuck quarantined for far too long and have seen too many nice days from the vantage inside my window. I finally caved and figured it was time to try something new to spice things up, so jogging it was. Apparently everyones doing it, and truthfully it seems to be the only thing we’re allowed to do right now. My brother and I aren’t even allowed to throw the football to each other at the field without the cops coming up to us and telling us to get back inside.

Needless to say I don’t jog nor do I even work out. I haven’t even seen a weight since high school. I’m more of like the Mark Wahlberg and Ted type throwing apples from the rooftop at people jogging on the street, making fun of them for working out. My only workout has been walking to and from the bar a couple blocks from my place. If the bars were open or if we could be outside playing basketball, or throwing the football, I’d more than likely be doing that as opposed to working out or jogging. I mean I’d much rather sit by the pool reading a comic, stoned, with a mixie than jogging but unfortunately I can’t do anything outside besides walking and running. They’ve essential banned us from having any sort of fun outside, so I figured I give this jogging thing a chance and chose to chase the runners high.

From what I’ve heard this runner high is an incredible sensation. I wouldn’t know, clearly I’m not a runner. Personally I prefer more of that natural kind of high, if you know what I’m mean. I don’t understand why people work so hard running for a half our just to feel this nirvana. If they pack one to many bowls with me I’ll show them nirvana. Hell I’m only jogging so I can prolong myself from drinking and smoking so early and so often all day. I can’t lie maybe a I’ll have a stimulant here and there just to do something different. I like to experiment a little, hence my random interest in this runner’s high. If I’m going to go jogging or running I was going to go all the way and chase that high. I figured I’d give it a toke and see what it’s all about.

I slipped into my sneakers, I didn’t even bother retying them tighter, tucked my keys in my socks so they wouldn’t jingle annoyingly in my pocket or fall out, and headed off down the street. It was almost instantly I thought, “Why the hell am I doing this to myself?” I was barley two minutes in and I was already sucking wind and breathing louder than the music blasting in my headphones. I kept on pushing myself and didn’t quit. I wanted to get runner’s high. Then I started to wondered, “Should I have stretched before this?” Followed by “What the fuck was I thinking?” All before I reached the end of the street. I’m not naive, I know I’m out of shape, and I know that any good high takes some time before it starts to kick in, so I kept on running.

The longer I kept on running the more and more I regretted this decision. I had no gauge on time, I had no idea how long I’ve run, or even I even had half decent pace or if I’m as slow as my brother. It baffled me, Although there were two things that were certain; I was sweating balls, and my music wouldn’t playing loud enough to block out my breathing. It got to the point I started holding my breath when I would run by people, which in case you were wondering made it wicked harder to breath. It actually got me to breath louder and louder. You would of thought I was running for my life or from the cops with I was breathing and panting so loudly. You would never be able to tell I was doing actually this by choice, for “fun”.

Southern hospitality has no limits. It didn’t matter that I was sweating balls or sounded louder then a fucking jackhammer. They would wave me down and hope to start conversation. They didn’t care if I was struggling, hell maybe they thought I needed a break. Which is probably what it was because they would always try and ask me how I’m doing and if I’m okay because I must not look it. I try not to be rude but I never showed any indication that I was interested in talking. I could barley catch my breath long enough to speak a short sentence, so I pulled my hat down lower stared at my feet and ran right by them. I couldn’t be more uninterested in a conversation while in the middle of a jog. I’m tying to hurry and finish so I can actually get high instead of acquiring it through this torture.

In conclusion, I hated jogging. I knew I was going to hate when I first initially picked up speed but at least now it’s confirmed. Jogging sucks. Same as a strip club I knew it wasn’t for me so after I went once I won’t ever have do it again. Same with jogging I think those are just kind of one and done kind of things. I have to admit I kind of felt like an asshole ignoring that group of people that wanted to talk to me. I’m a little more annoyed realizing how pathetically out of shape I am. It was horrible I thought I could at least run for fifteen minutes. Maybe that’s why I never felt the runner’s high. Everyone that has talked about it runs marathons. I can promise you I won’t ever be doing that. Don’t waste your time trying it.

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